idk what to title this

3 May, 2026

My attempts to quit doomscrolling have had mixed results, but at least you’re getting another newsletter out of it!

Things I've been up to:

I anticipate the day where I’ll never have to worry about another AP class ever again. The one good thing that’s come out of my incessant studying is that I’ve been enjoying my local public libraries more, but that’s kind of it. I wrote this newsletter instead of studying. I want to sleep and play games and bake and go out with friends and not worry about silly exams. Free me from exam season!!!

My drink of choice lately has been mint tea (but only with honey, because the unsweetened version tastes yucky).

I’m trying to practice cello just for my own enjoyment because I miss it.

Song reccomendations:

Other musings:

picture of a train, tokyo

I understand that this is not a novel statement, but I truly believe that the quality of my life would increase tenfold if I had access to safe and reliable public transportation. I’ve had these thoughts for some time now, but they were only exacerbated by a recent trip to Japan in which we were able to travel practically everywhere via train. Starting to play Persona 5 has not helped assuage these feelings. Seeing other teenagers abroad, I could not help but wonder if my adolescence would have differed had I been brought up in an urban area with the independence that comes with using public transit alone. Growing up with strict parents in suburban America only makes me yearn harder for what I cannot have. Does freedom truly exist if it is contingent on money, time, and the bureaucracy of the DMV?

I am convinced by the idea that public transit facilitates literal exploration of the environment, and thereby a metaphorical exploration of one’s own psyche. Our built environment shapes our personality. While I feel that a lot of my character has been shaped through a neurotic relationship with my journal, I also feel that I would not have bee able to self-reflect in the first place had I not had the lived experience to do so. Logically, the easiest way to gain a diversity of lived experiences is to go outside, try new things, and interact with people and one's surroundings. Recently, I’ve seen people online repeat the phrase “depression can’t catch a moving target.” Forcing oneself out of stagnation is preventative care, in a way. I think it’s why “runner’s high” exists, or why “side quests” have risen to popularity. The idea of being able to do things simply at one’s own volition, regardless of mental or physical circumstances, is empowering. But it almost feels as if this maze of six-lane highways and aimless sidewalks is a matrix that has been designed to prevent me from achieving my own self-actualization. I find that it is musch more difficult to feel control over your own life when you are confined to the passenger seat.

I hope you enjoyed this blog post! Let me know your thoughts :)